Jokes for You from ChooseIndia

A man  goes to a pet shop and tells the owner he wants a pet that can do everything. The owner thinks for a minute, then says: "I've got it! A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything. Ok, I will give it a try."
He takes the centipede home and says:" Clean the kitchen."
Thirty minutes later, he  walks into the kitchen… and it's spic and span. The dishes are washed, the counter tops are cleaned, the floor waxed, the appliances sparkling. Then he says:" Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks in… the carpet has been vacuumed, the plants watered.
The man is amazed." Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper,"he tells the pet. The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later no centipede, twenty minutes later no centipede, thirty minutes later no centipede. He can't imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it run over a car? Where is that centipede?
He goes to the front door, opens it…. And there is the centipede sitting right outside. The man says:"Hey! I sent you down to the corner 30 minutes ago to get a newspaper. What's the story?" The centipede says:" I'm goin! I'm just puttin on my shoes!

Unable to attend the funeral of his Uncle Charlie, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him:" Do something nice for uncle Charlie and send me the bill."
Later, he got a bill of $200 which he paid. Next month, he got another$200 bill, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. When the bills kept coming every month, he called up his brother to find out what was going on.
"Well," said the brother, "you said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie. So I rented him a tuxedo.

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